TALK - TO WIN HEARTS!

Have you ever wondered what it takes to win the hearts of others? In my experience, it is just listening to people when they are speaking their heart, - their feelings, and their problems. When I was in my thirties, when people narrated their problems to me, many a time I had understood it as they were searching for solutions. And, I had done the bad mistake of prescribing them solutions for their problems. I have wondered when they seem to be very disappointed even after they had accepted it as a good solution. Very lately I realized that people do not come to me for solution but they are in search of caring ears to listen to their problems that are trying to push out the first drop of their tears. Since then I started to give my people only a single solution,- in fact, for all the problems! -  And that is, listening, just listening to them patiently. People around us are in dire need of an ear that will patiently listen to what they speak out. If it happens to be your ear, then, you are the person who is very near to their heart.

A lively listening is the good medicine for many hearts that are aching with day to problems in family, relationships and in profession. Allow them just ten to fifteen minutes of your time to tell you their stories, and you can find, - that you have played a central role in reinstating the happiness again in the atmosphere around you. People don’t need solutions for their problem, they just want to vent out their desperate emotions culminated from the emotional complications they have come through.

Roughly Ten years ago, incidentally, I happened to meet a nice lady who is a practicing psychologist. While talking to her I asked her why I was unable to convince my wife even  though I help her find solutions for the problems (which I thought so). She gave me a simple reply that brought in a drastic change in the way I behave with people.  She said ‘We, the trainers, are accustomed and even trained our minds to give solutions for the problems of the client. Doing so, we forget our normal self and tend to give solutions to everything people tell us instead of just listening to them’. I was completely stunned, what a simple thing, but capable of changing the entire course of life! And after that incident I am now able to differentiate between the situations, when to listen for giving a solutions and when to listen for winning the heart next to me.

In my experience I have felt the importance of listening in two ways. The first one is listening to the words people speak. I believe most of us are very well capable of doing this kind of listening. Remembering the data they speak, the places they mention, the sequence of events they follow and the dates and times becomes possible by this kind of listening.  This kind of listening can be counted as a potential skill; but, to win the hearts of others, this kind of listening can help only a little. There is another kind of listening which is going to help us in this regard and that is, listening beyond words! Beyond words!?  What’s the strange stuff? It’s nothing but mixing our friendliness, kindness and care with the skill that we have already. Sometimes, particularly in male and female relationship, the words from the woman may sound as sharp, unnecessary for the situation and hurting for the man in the relationship and thus starts a bitter verbal ugliness.

But, if the male can (probably it’s rare) observe the emotion behind her words and not the words she has spoken certainly there will be another blossom in their relationship. When a woman says to a man “you have disappointed me” it actually does not mean that the man is incapable of fulfilling her expectations as if most of the men understand. It may also mean that you have to sit with her for a friendly chat, for a shopping with you, to have a trip to the nearby beach. But to understand this kind of meaning, we have to listen beyond the words. People with this kind of listening are the most successful people when it comes to the matter of keeping good relationship.

Listen more and talk less is a popular wording that we often hear. Some say that, only for fulfilling that purpose we have two ears but only one mouth. But what we can understand now is, when you empathetically listen to somebody, we ought to restrict our own thoughts and opinions to the minimum levels possible. Instead of that, we may show, by our words and by some acknowledging questions,- that we are listening to them. We should have the wisdom of choosing questions that do not embarrass them even to the slightest level. This shows that that we have good respect on them and, that sense of respect is the key to develop their love on you.

In my observation, very little things are needed for a happy life, but those little things are very delicate too. We must train ourselves to handle such delicate things like listening, with utmost care and thus we can create a joyous atmosphere that is filled with lovely people who are always for us and with us.